


Ay, there's the rub, or: nymphobraniac strikes back

by weatheredlaw



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Open Relationships, Vague Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-11
Updated: 2012-10-11
Packaged: 2017-11-16 02:10:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weatheredlaw/pseuds/weatheredlaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I think we should fuck other people."</p><p>Tony's in the middle of <i>drinking something</i>, thank you very much, and proceeds to spit it out. Like, all over himself. </p><p>"I'm sorry. I didn't catch that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ay, there's the rub, or: nymphobraniac strikes back

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what it is but okay
> 
> edit: there were some typos. i fixed them. i try not to get hung up on these things.

_"And we're live in three, two--_

The talking head is blonde, with beautiful teeth that Tony can picture cutting into his shoulder like a pear. A year ago, he'd have taken her back to the Malibu house and fucked the shit out of her, torn apart his house trying to make her scream. He can feel Pepper's eyes boring two twin holes in the back of his skull, and he knows that she's thinking the same thing, mostly because she's walked in on the middle of it.

Tony's ability to focus rivals all the laser toys Reed Richards has managed to build over the years. The woman asks him a question, something about being a liability to the Avengers, given his quite recent history with being what she does not describe as a drunken lunatic, but is most definitely thinking.

"I think that this team has helped me clean up my act in more ways than one. And I can't ever speak enough about the influence of Miss Potts." Tony throws a look over his shoulder to the side of the stage. Pepper's gaze remains the same, but there's a subtle quirk of her lips that's been steadily driving Tony mad since he noticed it seven weeks ago, while she was pretending to sleep and he was trying to talk her into a nine AM run to Krispy Kreme. 

The Happy Quirk. Tony likes it.

She's asking him about his team now. About Steve the Leader, Bruce the Other Liability, Natasha the Woman (and Tony has a lot to say about that in these interviews, half because he knows the face Natasha makes when people refer to her as The Woman on the team), and Clint the Ex-Circus Performer.

The media sure knows how to make friends.

It's why they've got Tony here. Because Steve tends to pontificate, Bruce cleans his glasses over and over again, and Natasha and Clint are trained killers. But Tony. Tony knows how to work the press. Every time Bruce accidentally trashes another city block, or Steve says something that's so patriotic is scares people, or Clint shoots someone in the ass -- Tony's there to clean up the mess. He's _good_ at it.

Use to be, Tony'd find whoever was in charge, bang their brains out, and then do an interview. These days, he slathers on three times as much charm, then gets to go down on Pepper in the jet home. It's a fair trade off -- his old life was starting to leave behind a bad stench.

Not an altogether _unpleasant_ stench. But a stench nonetheless. 

 

 

Tony goes down on Pepper in the jet and it's pretty fucking awesome. Pepper makes beautiful noises when she comes, and Tony wonders why it took him so long to figure out that he was batshit crazy over her, but whatever. He takes these things in stride. Lives without regrets (mostly) and gets his own brains fucked out. 

When she's finished -- and fuck if Pepper doesn't finish Tony off _spectacularly_ every time -- she wraps herself in a robe she keeps on the plane and says, so simply, as if it's just not a big effing deal -- "I think we should fuck other people."

Tony's in the middle of _drinking something_ , thank you very much, and proceeds to spit it out. Like, all over himself. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't catch that."

"You heard me, asshat." She leans down and kisses him. "I think you and I should fuck other people. Also. On top of this thing we have. We should branch out."

"That is. That is _not_ what I thought you were going to say a millisecond after I heard the words _I think._ "

"What did you think I was going to say?" Pepper smiles and gets up to get a glass of water.

"I don't want to get smacked today, so I'll pass." Tony sighs and sits up, adjusting himself under the sheet. The jet rattles. "You're being serious, aren't you?"

"Completely."

"Jesus Christ. Okay. Who do you want to bang so bad that you bring this up?"

"Seriously? You want, like, a list?" Pepper grins. Tony's stomach does cartwheels. "Like, your entire team, for starters, but that's just a fantasy." She sips her water. "I may or may not have a standing invitation from Maria Hill."

"I should have seen that coming. That woman touches everything I love."

"Aw that's sweet." Pepper sets her glass down and settles next to him in the bed. "I love you," she says quietly, the way she always does when there are emotions and such. "I do. Very much."

"You're bored."

Pepper frowns. "That makes it sound like I don't appreciate having you ravage me with your tongue. I do. _Very_ much so." She kisses him. "But don't sit here and tell me you haven't wanted to suggest the same thing for ages now."

"I won't," Tony admits. "I'd hate to insult your keen intuition. I'm glad you brought it up though."

"I like there to be a certain amount of honesty here. We've always been frank with each other."

Tony nods. "This is true."

"We lay some ground rules, we work it out. What do you say?"

Tony sets his own glass aside and swings himself around Pepper again, nudging her legs apart under the robe and kissing her neck. "Think you could come up with a few ground rules like this?"

"Hardly a challenge," she says, and Tony smiles.

He has the greatest girlfriend.

 

 

And so the ground rules are thus:

Tony and Pepper may fuck other people, but there is a limit. Like, twenty flings on the side is A) embarrassing and B) insulting. They agree to keep it to one, two max. 

Second rule: either party must approve the new fuck buddy. Pepper thinks it's fair. Partners don't let partners fuck people they wouldn't fuck themselves. 

Third rule: it's just sex.

 

 

"I'm surprised you haven't given me a name yet," Pepper says one evening, stealing a dumpling from Tony's plate and cross the kitchen to get more wine. "Maria's curious."

"So you've done the deed."

"You knew that already."

"I just like thinking about it."

Pepper sighs and brings back the entire bottle. "Do you have _anyone_ in mind?"

"Am I _required_ to, like, do this _now_?"

"No," Pepper says. "I just know that the only reason you're holding back is because you think I won't approve."

Ah. Busted.

But Tony _does_ try. "That's not--"

"Please. Don't." Pepper pours more wine. "Name, if you want. No pressure."

Tony purses his lips and looks out the window. Pepper has licked the tip of her finger and is circling her wine glass, making a pleasant ringing noise that knocks Tony out of his trance. He smiles. "Bruce."

Pepper raises an eyebrow. "Really."

"See, now, I _knew_ \--"

"Oh, I approve," Pepper says with a wave of her hand. "I'm not _blind_. Bruce may be the _Hulk_ , but he's a beautiful man. Well played Mr. Stark. He _is_ in Prague right now though."

"He's SHIELD's new physics poster boy."

"Is he?"

"Well, hardly, actually. If he does some work for SHIELD on the side, Fury will allocate resources to keeping Ross off his tail. He just has to do a bit of lab work for them while it happens. Like being a trauma surgeon except for geeks."

"Sounds grueling. And asinine."

"It is," Tony agrees.

"He won't like it."

"Oh I don't know." Tony pours himself another glass of wine. "I think the good doctor may surprise you."

 

 

The good doctor does surprise. 

"Wow, you're like, actually on board?"

"Sure." Bruce adjusts his glasses. "Is that not okay?"

"No. No it's _perfect_. It's just...I mean I talk a big game to Pepper, but I mostly said you'd be on board because she thought you wouldn't, and I thought the same thing, and now you're totally agreeing to be my fuck buddy. So it's sort of...surreal. Gimme a sec, I guess."

"Take your time," Bruce says idly, and looks into the scope again.

"Second's up," Tony almost shouts, and grabs Bruce by the shoulders and kisses him. He can feel Bruce smiling against his lips, his hands coming up to cup Tony's face, brushing the tips of his fingers against his ears. "You are a really good kisser. Has anyone told you that?"

"They have," Bruce says. "On multiple occasions."

"Color me impressed."

"It's a good color on you."

"Not as good as green."

"No," Bruce murmurs. "Not quite."

 

 

Bruce, it turns out, is like, incredibly great at sex. Tony texts this to Pepper as soon as they've done it, and Bruce is a sweaty, sleeping, precious mess on the other side of his bed, but also sort of scaring him with his sexual efficiency. 

_like really gr8_

**that's good** she texts back, and sends him a picture of Maria cooking breakfast for dinner.

 

 

And then suddenly Tony is really incredibly insecure about everything. Everything being Bruce running into Pepper for the first time after they've Done It and Pepper changing her mind and suddenly everything falling apart and Tony ending up alone, and then bankrupt, and then--

"Bruce took me to the Regata for lunch. He's an excellent conversationalist, I don't know why you insist he stay indoors."

"I _don't_ insist," Tony half-screeched. " _He_ likes it inside. _He_ is the self-proclaimed recluse here. _He_ takes off for the nether regions of the planet every time my back is turned, I'm not--"

"Tony." Pepper presses her lips to his quickly and draws back. "I have a meeting. Please don't set anyone on fire."

"I did that _one time_ and you--"

 

 

Tony is desperately and frantically fucking himself on Bruce's cock, begging to come, wishing he could come, _pleading_ with every ounce of his soul to come. And Bruce just smiles, rubs a circle around the buzzing ring at the base of Tony's dick and says, "When you're ready."

 

 

Tony is fucking Bruce into the mattress, watching him breathe, watching him inhale and exhale and inhale and exhale and watching him keep everything coiled tight, right in the hollow of his chest. Until the right moment. Until Tony moves a certain way, strokes his cock a certain direction, and then Bruce comes in hot ropes on his own chest, fisting the sheet and shouting himself hoarse through his orgasm.

It's after it all, when Tony's come and he's washed them up and Bruce is blinking, smiling at the ceiling.

It's after that when Tony thinks, _This was a good idea._

Which is directly followed by, _Pep can never know._

 

 

"So admit it," she says finally.

"No."

"You don't even know what you're admitting to."

Tony laughs. "I am legally obligated to not respond to the words, _admit it_ , Miss Potts. You know that better than anyone."

Pepper rolls her eyes and pushes herself into Tony's lap. "Come on now. You know what."

"I refuse."

"Tony."

"You can't make me."

Pepper levels her gaze. " _Tony._ "

He sighs and falls backwards onto the bed. "You always have to be right."

"No," she says. "But I was right about this."

"Us screwing other people."

"Mmhm."

Tony nods. "Yes, Miss Potts. You were right. I admit it. Let's put it on the score card and move on now, shall we?"

 

 

Whatever it means -- and Tony won't pretend he knows, or pretend he could ever figure it out -- whatever it _stands for_ , Tony doesn't care anymore. 

There's a look Pepper gets when she's beyond reason, when she's so dazed with pleasure that Tony doesn't know what planet she's living on. There's a look Pepper gets when she looks at him, hair plastered to her forehead, cheeks flushed and ankles linked around his neck as she says, "I love you."

It's a good look on her. 

Tony wonders what he looks like when he says the same thing.

 

 

And then he accidentally falls for Bruce.

 

 

There should be a clarification in here.

Tony is deeply, madly, truly, fanatically in love with Pepper. Tony has thrown himself off a building more than once for her, and Tony has had his ass saved by her twice as many times. Really, Pepper's...Pepper's the one who rescued _him_ most of the time. Pepper is Tony's hero. Pepper is Tony's savior.

But fuck if his heart doesn't skip a beat when Bruce walks into the room.

And there it is, he realizes. The flaw in the plan. The ultimate problem. The ultimate conundrum, if you will.

Tony Stark is the man who couldn't settle, the man who couldn't stop. 

And now suddenly his heart's growing three sizes and blah blah yadda yadda skip to the good stuff -- Tony's in love with two people and he wants to write it in the sky.

This is a problem.

 

 

"This isn't a problem," Pepper says.

"I fail to understand how it isn't."

"We said it'd be just sex, but I think we both knew the first one to break that rule would be you."

"So you're not in love with Maria."

"No." Pepper leans back in her chair. "I am fond of Maria. I am in love with you."

Million dollar question. "Could you fall in love with Maria?" Pepper presses her lips together in a thin line that gives everything away. "You're falling in love with Maria."

"That's not the point here."

"It is."

"It isn't," Pepper insists. And suddenly her hands tremble with insecurity. Tony knows the tremor well. 

"It's alright," he says. He wraps her in his arms and she breathes heavy against him. "It's all okay."

"Why did we do this?"

"Because we are two beautiful people with insatiable libidos. And you wanted variety. And you wanted me to have the same thing. And you wanted us to be able to be who we are without holding one another back." Pepper looks at him. "I've gotten to know you pretty well since we first met."

"You still don't know my birthday."

"I have Jarvis for those things."

Pepper smiles and brushes her thumb over his forehead. "What do we do?"

"Think like a tactician I suppose. We're battling ourselves. The logical course of action is to pull back out of enemy lines, let the damage run its course, and go back to being who we were before we decided this."

"Logic."

Tony nods. "Code word for boring."

"Right. What's the other plan?"

Tony kisses her forehead. 

 

 

The other plan comes when Tony says, Bruce, how would you like to have a foursome with me, Pep and Hill, although way less conceited and polite. 

It comes together when Bruce looks at Tony and gives him that weird, sexy, crooked, "I am up to absolutely no good whatsoever," grin and says -- 

"I'm seeing Maria tonight. I'll ask her."

And by seeing. He means.

"Oh." Then. " _Oh._ "

Bruce sighs. "You never said we were mutually exclusive."

"I never...that isn't--"

"I'm not obligated to update you on parts of my life I don't feel the need or urge to disclose."

"No," Tony says. "You're right. I just...couldn't have...does Pepper know?"

Bruce shrugs. "If she's having the same conversation with Maria that we're having, probably."

Tony gets sixteen text messages right after that. He figures she's just found out.

Well. This is awkward.

 

 

"So are we breaking up?" Bruce is spinning in half circles on his lab stool and watching the time over the chemical hood count down.

"Yes? I don't know. Pepper and I think...we're going to take a trip. And when we get back we'll...we'll figure things out."

"So this was like an experiment."

"Bruce, please don't think--"

"I meant on yourself." Bruce smiles. "I don't mind being a variable when I'm useful, Tony. It's sort of what I've done most of my adult life. Even before then. You're a good friend, and I'm happy to have a place to come to when I get tired. Really. This lab...it's more than anyone's done for me in a long while. _You_ have done more for me in the past few months than...anyway." Bruce takes off his glasses. "We...Maria and I were talking last night. If you weren't going to pull the plug on this first, we were going to do it for you. But I had a feeling you would."

"You know me pretty well."

"Only well enough to know how long this was supposed to last."

Tony sighs. "I suppose that's a good start."

"I would like to continue being your friend," Bruce insists. Tony laughs.

"Banner, I don't know if you realize this or not. But you're stuck with me. We are solid. And when I get over my heart palpitations I seem to get when you're around, we'll pity fuck our way into bro-dom."

Bruce smiles. "Sounds like a plan."


End file.
